As a parent, your children’s safety and wellbeing is paramount. Before they reach school age, it’s much easier to keep them close and protect them from the words and actions of others, but the older they get the less influence and oversight you have. That’s where bullying, particularly cyber-bullying, can raise its ugly head.
The Longitudinal Study of Australian Children found seven in 10 children aged 12–13 experienced at least one bullying-like behaviour within a year. Furthermore, approximately one in four Year 4 to Year 9 students (27%) reported being bullied every few weeks or more often.
These alarming facts underscore the importance of having open and honest conversations with your child about bullying – and the powerful role that parents can play in breaking the hold of bullying. By fostering a supportive and safe environment at home, you can empower your child to navigate social challenges confidently and seek help when needed.
What is bullying?
Bullying can be described as the repeated and intentional use of words or actions against someone to cause distress and risk to their wellbeing.
It’s often the result of someone’s misplaced need for recognition, attention, and approval, as a means to restore their own self-esteem.
Types of bullying
- Face to face bulling (or direct bullying) – involves physical actions such as punching or kicking or verbal actions such as name-calling and insulting.
- Social bullying (also referred to as indirect or covert bullying) - aims to harm someone’s reputation or relationships. Social bullying isn't easily seen by others and is conducted out of sight, such as excluding a person from social groups or spreading lies or rumours.
- Cyberbullying (or online bullying) - occurs when someone uses the internet or other digital technologies (smartphones, apps, text messages) to harass, threaten or humiliate someone else.
Signs your child might be being bullied
Some of the common signs that a child is being bullied can include:
- Unexplained injuries
- Lost or destroyed belongings
- Changes to their eating or sleeping patterns
- Changes in their self esteem or school engagement
- Changes to friendship groups or avoidance of social situations
- Change in behaviour after using the internet or phone
If you notice any of the above in your child, it’s important to talk to them ability as soon as possible. Bullying can have lasting impacts in physical and mental wellbeing if it is not addressed early.
Tips for talking with your child about bullying
Having a conversation about bullying with your child might be challenging, but talking about the problem is the first, powerful step towards addressing the issue. Here are some simple and practical tips to help your child feel supported, safe and able to share their experience – and get the help they need.
Create a safe space for the conversation
Choose a quiet, comfortable place where your child feels secure and free from distractions. Let them know they can talk to you about anything and that you are there to support them, no matter what. Ask your child what role they would like you to play in solving the problem and assure them that you will be sensitive to the situation, with a view to protect them from further harm.
Be present and just listen
When your child starts to talk, give them your full and undivided attention. Avoid interrupting and show empathy by nodding and making affirming comments. This helps your child feel heard and understood. It’s important to validate their feelings and let them know that it’s okay to feel upset or scared.
Ask questions
Ask open-ended questions to encourage your child to share more about their experiences. Questions like, “Can you tell me more about what happened?” or “How did that make you feel?” can be helpful. Being curious and asking questions can help your child understand what bullying is, and how to recognise it.
Reassure and respond with empathy
If your child shares that they are being bullied, it’s important to respond with empathy and support. Do not react with anger or frustration as it may shut the conversation down. Instead, reassure them that you are there to help and that they are not alone.
Tell your child that the bullying is not their fault and that they have done the right thing by telling you. Let them know that you will work together to find a solution. It’s important to build their confidence and remind them of their strengths and positive qualities. Reassure your child that they have people who care about them. Bullying can lead to feelings of isolation, so your child needs to know they are not alone and are loved and supported.
Plan the next steps together
Talk with your child about the next steps, which might involve speaking with their teacher, principal, pastoral, or wellbeing staff. Encourage them to stay connected with supportive friends and participate in activities they enjoy. Help your child identify safe spaces, trusted peers or adults they can turn to for support. When contacting the school, request an investigation and a timeline for their response.
What else can parents do?
- Get to know the school’s policies so you understand how to report bullying and harassment.
- Being aware of your child’s friends and maintaining communication with teachers can help you spot any concerning behaviour.
- Parents can also build their child’s assertiveness and confidence by encouraging them to speak up when they’re unsure or uncomfortable. It’s important to let children express their preferences and boundaries, showing them how to resist peer pressure. Young children can be taught to use simple phrases like “Stop, I don’t like it.” You can also teach your child safe, practiced, and planned responses.
- Keep the conversation with your child going. Talking about bullying should be an ongoing conversation, not just a one-time discussion.
Remember, you are not alone in this journey. There are many resources and support systems available to help you and your child (see below) Don’t hesitate to ask for help if you (or your child) need it.
More Information
How to help with bullying at school (Raising Children Network)
Dealing with bullying (Kids Helpline)
Bullying online (eSafety Commissioner)
Bullying at school: what to do if your child is struggling (reachout.com)